invisible emotions

its been ages since i truly expressed how i felt about things......its been ages since i put pen to paper or fingers to a keyboard for that matter. I've been so tired, the one emotion i don't feel the need to hide from the world. everything that's not positive gets corked in the bottle of emotions because I'm afraid of loosing control, spiraling over the edge and not caring how or why i got there. I'm holding myself together through wires, thin wires which are slowly unraveling. kinda like cello strings almost. i just miss certain things in my life which i used to enjoy. i miss my cello, my dance classes, my art classes. i miss the things that used to give me some joy, yet at the same time i ruined them for myself because i was afraid i wasn't any good.
ah....what is long lost always seems out of reach.