emotional hangups

I'm 17 going on adulthood, and yet the problems of my past still linger over my head, clouds to an already full sky. i was bred to be strong, independent, never to show my pain or problems. its not that my mother wasn't there...its not like she was at the bottom of a bottle or the tail end of a line of coke. its the complete opposite, she spoiled me rotten. she gave me damn near anything i desired. materially anyhow. yet at the same time i could never catch a spare moment of her work time at home to tell her things. i rarely told her my fears, my moments of weakness where i felt helpless and had no clue what to do. not having any siblings, i confided in stuffed animals. but it felt like my words and feelings would just bounce off their plushier outer shells and back into my mind. so eventually i learned to keep quiet...which didn't always work when i had a mental breakdown. yet my mother just said i was either seeking attention. like she did when i got out the hospital, i was seeking attention and did it in a way that cost her money. i told that undereducated social worker that i knew over ten ways to kill myself, yet i felt like they were all flawed. call me an american sucker but i like that whole 100% guarantee kinda thing. so i lied my way out of that hell hole, just so her reputation and money wouldn't go straight down the drain. when in reality, it hurt more that i've spent more time protecting my mother than i feel she has protecting me.
i didn't want much from her just a few basic things

1. i wanted the ability to confide in her, be able to tell her my problems without her being so cruel and making it seem like it was all trivial matters of adolescence.
2. i wanted her to take me seriously when i said things.
3. i just wanted her to show me that she loves me without it seeming like it pained her to do so. would it have killed her to smile around me just once?
4. it would have been nice if she acted like i existed, instead of focusing on just my stepfather and work.
5. a little encouragement about my body image would be nice. i don't think she's ever been able to accept me the way i physically am. i think she liked me when i was young and skinny, like she was when she was younger.
6. she needs to understand that I'm in high school and I'm not a looser like she was. i don't get bullied or pushed down stairs. I'm not a super math nerd with no life. i have friends, i have a gf who loves me, and a future ahead me. i wanna graduate early but she wont let me. i wanna move into my own place and start my life without the reins of my mother!

life is too complicated...and when it gets complicated..i eat eggs!